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Cancer is a disease that affects not just the patient but the entire family. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, our world was turned upside down. It was a difficult journey, filled with ups and downs, but as we navigated through it all, I learned some valuable lessons. These lessons have helped me to understand the true meaning of life, love, and relationships.
In this blog post, I want to share 11 lessons that I gained from my mom’s cancer experience. These lessons apply to anyone facing a tough time in their life and will help you navigate it with grace and strength. So sit back, grab a box of Kleenex, and read on to discover the valuable life lessons that I gained from my mom’s cancer experience.
Diagnosis and the Initial Shock
My mom was the most loving, caring, and generous person I’ve ever known. She gave the tightest hugs and warmest welcomes. If there was anyone who would get cancer, it should not have been her, so it was really tough for me to understand why she got the disease. I had to fathom why good people had to suffer and this catapulted my spiritual journey. As a coping mechanism, I read all kinds of books that can help me make sense of the situation.
I knew my mom was in shock, overwhelmed, and unsure of what to do next when we got her diagnosis in 2013. I automatically masked all my fears and pretended to be strong for her as she did the same. I can no longer recall how our conversation went, and it still makes me cry to read through our old text messages. One thing was clear to me: my mom focused on her treatments while she made sure my life went on as normal.
Lesson #1: Learning to Live in the Moment
Living in the moment with cancer can be a challenging experience, but it can also be an opportunity to appreciate life in new and meaningful ways. My mom faced various physical and emotional difficulties during her treatment, but she adopted a positive attitude and focused on the present which helped her cope. She didn’t let cancer define her as a person and still lived her life to the fullest despite the disease. She spent time with loved ones, pursued her gardening hobby, and engaged in new experiences; she found joy and fulfillment by embracing each moment as it came.
No matter how overwhelming the cancer journey was for my mom, I saw first-hand that support and community played a crucial role in how she managed her anxiety, sadness, and overall quality of life. Support groups provided her with emotional support, resources for navigating treatment, and advice from those who have gone through similar experiences. Additionally, the support she received from the community increased her sense of hopefulness and positivity; the impact was profound on her, consistently helping her better adjust psychologically.
Lesson #3: Understanding the Root Cause
Cancer is often viewed as a terrifying disease, but in reality, it is a symptom of an underlying imbalance in the body often caused by environmental or psychological factors. Although some will argue that cancer is caused by a cellular mutation that makes some particular cells divide and grow uncontrollably—forming tumors that destroy surrounding tissue and sap resources from the rest of the body, if we dig deeper, we will understand that cancer is the body’s response to threats as it tries to heal itself. Instead of fighting the body’s natural healing process, it is essential to work with it to achieve a complete resolution.
By understanding the root causes of cancer and supporting the body’s efforts to heal itself, we can take steps toward better health and well-being. With proper care and attention, cancer can be treated and individuals can regain their overall health and vitality.
Immunotherapy is a new and innovative treatment that makes use of the body’s own immune system to fight cancer. I am hopeful that this treatment is a step toward the direction of holistic healing.
Lesson #4: Finding Strength in Vulnerability
In the midst of it all, my mom was the beacon of strength in our family. She believed that there is a greater meaning behind every situation. Although it may seem counterintuitive, I wish I had allowed myself to be more vulnerable with her; I wish I had the courage to let her know how scared I was of losing her, and that life wouldn’t be the same without her. If I can turn back time, I wish I had embraced my vulnerability and had been more transparent with my emotions.
It is important to remember that vulnerability is not a weakness, but rather a sign of strength and self-awareness. By acknowledging and accepting one’s vulnerabilities, we can learn to navigate our emotions in a more healthy and authentic way.
Lesson #5: Prioritizing Self-Care and Mental Health
My mom would often put others before herself; putting others before oneself is often seen as a selfless act and is highly valued by society. However, this leads to exhaustion and burnout. I wish she could have taken more vacation days and more time for herself. I really wish she could have dedicated a little more time in her day to her personal needs and emotions before catering her energy and resources to others.
So, while it may feel uncomfortable or selfish to prioritize oneself, it is ultimately the best thing for us and the people around us. Remember, taking care of oneself is not selfish—it is necessary.
Lesson #6. The Intention We Place on Our Food Matters
My mom avoided junk food, chose high-quality produce, and avoided any food with harmful chemicals. I’m not here to say that we can eat whatever but when it comes to food, the intention behind it matters. We often forget that the energy and nutrients from food directly impact our bodies and minds; therefore, the way we approach our meals can have a significant impact on our well-being.
Whether it’s prep time, cooking, or consumption, we should always consider the energy we place into our food. From selecting high-quality ingredients to cooking with love and positive energy, there are many ways we can enhance the nutritional value and enjoyment of our meals. It’s essential to acknowledge that food carries not only physical nutrients but also emotional ones. Therefore, when we set our intention on our food, we are essentially crafting a loving and nourishing experience for ourselves and others.
Lesson #7: How to Talk to Someone with Cancer
If I could go back and speak more intelligently with my mom, I wish I had avoided war metaphors when talking to her about cancer. The use of war metaphors in describing cancer has been a common practice in medicine and media for many years. However, according to factual data, such language does not increase vigilance or motivation but may actually do more harm than good. When we speak about cancer as the enemy, in a way, the enemy is oneself.
The American Cancer Society suggests that the use of battle language might lead to anxiety, depression, and other negative feelings in patients. It may also cause guilt and shame in those who are unable to “fight” their illness. We should reconsider using war metaphors and instead focus on positive and empowering language when discussing cancer. We need to recognize that our interactions go beyond words.
When speaking with someone who has cancer, it is important to be mindful of the risk of death; dismissing or avoiding the topic altogether can also be harmful. I never had an open and honest conversation about death with my mom, but I wish I had. I could have done better at acknowledging her emotions and concerns while also offering practical support or resources that can help ease her worries.
Instead of waiting for her to tell me what she needed, I could have done better at intuiting what it is she needed at the time. Saying “let me know what you need” does not really cut it. Let’s not give our sick loved one another thing to think about for a task to give us.
Help them with phone calls, paperwork, running an errand, or putting together a playlist or podcast that can keep them entertained. Remember that every individual’s cancer journey is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. Being a compassionate and understanding listener can make a significant difference in how a person with cancer copes with their illness.
Lesson #8: Cherish Every Moment
“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. All fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.” – Steve Jobs
My mom knew that what truly mattered was making a lasting impact, living a life that was meaningful, and leaving behind a legacy that would inspire others by helping her community. Cherishing every moment is something that everyone should strive for, and this is especially true for those experiencing cancer. It’s also important to take time to appreciate life’s simple moments with our loved ones.
Lesson #9: Illness Is an Indicator of Our Emotional State
This may come as no surprise, but our mental and emotional well-being has a significant impact on our physical health. Scientific research supports the idea that sustained mental distress can lead to chronic physical ailments; therefore, taking care of our mental health is crucial for our overall well-being. It is essential to communicate with others, seek professional help if needed, and focus on positive thinking and behaviors. Even small steps toward good mental health can create a ripple effect that can lead to a healthier and happier life.
Louise Hay, self-help author and founder of the concept of positive affirmation, identified a range of probable emotional causes for various physical symptoms such as abdominal cramps, ulcers, and even cellulite. She believed that illness, no matter how mild or severe, is an indicator of an underlying emotional issue. By acknowledging and addressing these emotional causes, we can begin to heal ourselves and prevent future recurrence of the symptom. Next time we experience physical discomfort, it may be worthwhile to take a moment to reflect on our emotions and thought patterns to see if they may be contributing to our condition.
Lesson #10: Cancer Is Not a Sprint, it's a Marathon
The initial shock of cancer was heavy news, but to learn that my mom’s cancer had come back was unbearable—I can only describe it as the feeling of being betrayed by my best friends. Only in this situation, those friends were science and religion.
Cancer is a disease that requires a long-term approach to treatment and management. It’s not a sprint; it’s a marathon. As with any marathon, there are ups and downs along the way. It’s essential to approach cancer with the marathon mindset, taking it one step at a time and celebrating each successful milestone.
Lesson #11: Acceptance and Dealing with Life's Tests
What we fight, often persists; the more we resist a challenge, the more it seems to linger. Although it may not be true in every situation, there is some neurological evidence to support this idea.
When the brain is focused on a problem, it strengthens the neural pathways associated with that problem, making it more difficult to let go. This may explain why trying to control emotions such as anxiety, can make them worse. While it may be difficult, accepting and letting go of the challenge may be the key to finding peace. Ultimately, it is up to us to decide the best course of action for our individual situation.
Surrendering can bring inner peace, freedom, and joy to our lives. When we start to loosen our grip and turn it over to the universe, Love, or another source, we get guided in the right direction. Practicing spirituality through meditation and expressing our worries to someone we trust can also help us surrender. Surrendering isn’t a one-time thing; it’s a daily practice to live with Love in all that we do.
Conclusion
When someone is going through a difficult time, sometimes the best thing we can do is simply be there for them. It’s easy to offer opinions or advice, but just offering an empathetic ear can be a powerful tool for supporting a loved one going through a tough spot. Being present with them—showing that we care and that they’re not alone—can be incredibly comforting. And it’s important to resist the urge to fill the silence with empty words. Often, just knowing that someone is with us during our pain can be enough to make all the difference.
My mom traveled beyond the veil in 2021, and the biggest lesson I took away from her experience is that dying from cancer is not a form of weakness but the ultimate healing.
Thank you for taking the time to read about the lessons gained from my mom’s cancer experience. It has been a difficult journey, but one filled with incredible moments of growth and gratitude. I hope that through sharing my story, you can find comfort and inspiration in your own difficult times. Remember to hug your loved ones a little bit longer, because you won’t know when the last is.
