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Losing a loved one can be one of the most difficult experiences to go through in life. Navigating the grieving process can bring up feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, and many others, so it’s important to understand why death exists and we’re so afraid of it. In this blog post, we’ll explore ways of accepting death and navigating the grieving process.
Accepting Death and Dying
Accepting death and dying can be a daunting and uncomfortable topic. It’s a fact that every ending marks the death of something. Whether it’s the end of a book or a movie, a relationship, a job, or simply the end of the day, it all leads to a form of death. Endings can be happy or sad, triumphant or bittersweet, but they all bring a sense of closure and finality.
We often deny the reality of death, but it is important to embrace and accept the inevitability of this natural process. While it may be difficult to confront, death is a normal part of life that everyone will face at some point. Rather than avoiding it, we can make plans and right wrongs in order to lead a fulfilling life, facing death with grace and understanding.
The fear of death is known as thanatophobia—we are petrified by the concept of endings, losing control, and the unknown. It’s a natural human instinct to feel scared when we don’t know what’s going to happen, or when we fear that things we hold dear may be taken away from us. We all experience these kinds of feelings in different ways, whether it’s feeling nervous about what comes after death.
It’s important to recognize that these feelings are normal and that it’s OK to be terrified sometimes. However, we must also remember that fear does not have to control us and that there are many ways we can learn to cope with our anxieties. By understanding our fears, we can begin to take steps to overcome them and live the lives we want.
Understanding the Five Stages of Grief
Experiencing grief is a universal process that can be overwhelming and difficult to navigate. The five stages of grief according to the model proposed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, which can help us understand the emotions and thoughts we may experience while grieving.
Although the stages are often talked about as if they happen in order, it’s important to note that grief is a unique process and there’s no particular timeline or sequence for these stages. Understanding the five stages of grief can help us realize that our reactions are normal and valid, and can provide a framework for accepting death and dying. By acknowledging the stages of grief and being honest with ourselves and others, we can navigate through this difficult process and reach a place of acceptance and healing.
Acknowledging Our Emotions
Denial in the initial stages of grief can help minimize the overwhelming pain of loss, but eventually, reality sets in, and emotions like anger, bargaining, and depression arise as the real weight of the loss is fully felt. Naming and acknowledging feelings can help us become more friendly with our emotions and marks important progress on the path to healing.
While the sadness may diminish over time, grieving is necessary in order to overcome those feelings and reach a sense of closure. In order to process death to completion, it’s important to acknowledge and accept the reality of the loss, experience the emotions that come with it; seek support from friends and family, and find healthy ways to cope. While it may be tough to face the pain, remember that suppressing it won’t help in the long run.
Allow the Emotions to Surface
One of the most important steps in the grieving process is acknowledging and accepting our feelings. It is essential to allow ourselves to feel the emotions, including anger, that comes with losing a loved one.
Talk It Out
Talking to someone trusted is an excellent way to deal with anger during the grieving process. This can be a friend or family member, a grief counselor or therapist, or even a support group for those who have experienced a similar loss.
Embrace the Five Stages of Grief
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the five stages of grief. Embracing these stages as a natural part of grieving can help us understand their emotions and reactions.
Find an Outlet
Instead of bottling up anger and other emotions, it is essential to find a healthy outlet to express them. Activities like exercise, writing, or art can help release pent-up emotions.
Practice Self-Care
Grieving can be exhausting both physically and emotionally, making self-care vital during this time. Take time to rest, exercise regularly, and eat healthy foods to cope with anger in a healthy way.
Remember That Anger is Normal
Anger is a natural feeling during the grieving process, and it is okay to feel angry. Acknowledging the emotion instead of suppressing it can help us process our feelings and move forward.
Seek Professional Help
If anger becomes overwhelming or interferes with daily life, it may be time to seek professional help. A grief counselor or therapist can provide guidance and support during this difficult time.
Embrace the Memory
Although it may be difficult at first, embracing the memory of a loved one can be an essential part of the healing process. Celebrate their life by doing something they loved or creating a tribute in their honor.
Finding Meaning in Loss
Everyone experiences loss differently, but finding meaning in it is a common thread shared by many. Whether it’s through belief in an afterlife or cherishing fond memories, finding meaning is a personal journey. David Kessler, a renowned expert on grief and loss, offers guidance in his book “Finding Meaning.” It’s natural to question and doubt oneself after a loss, but it’s also an opportunity to re-think and grow.
Watching someone take their last breath can be a difficult and emotional experience. But for many, it’s also a peaceful release. The idea that the last breath we exhale before passing away is not just an end to our physical existence, but it marks the beginning of a new chapter, a new journey. Although it may seem like a sad and painful moment, remember that it’s a natural part of life, and the journey continues beyond our physical existence. It’s comforting to know that our last breath on this Earth is the first of a newfound spiritual world that awaits us.
Just like a balloon, the body is simply a vessel that holds something more important—the soul. The air in the balloon fills it up and gives it life, just like the soul gives life to the body. It is said that just as a balloon cannot exist without air, the body cannot exist without the soul. Just like when the air leaves the balloon becomes deflated, when the soul leaves the body it becomes lifeless.
This comparison can help us appreciate the fragility and importance of the soul, as well as the temporary nature of our physical bodies. Some believe in the idea of continuing bonds with those who have passed on instead of losing them completely; we can take comfort that our loved ones are still with us, just in a different way. Although nothing can take away the pain, it’s helpful to recognize that our loved ones will always be a part of our lives, just in a different form.
Overcoming Guilt and Regrets
Generally, overcoming guilt and regrets is essential for our well-being. It’s easy for guilt to become an overwhelming burden if it consumes us, so take stock of how we cope with regret. Acknowledging its existence is the first step to facing it; if we regret situations that are unchangeable, it’s crucial to grieve.
Once that’s done, we must choose to let them go. Also, practicing self-acceptance can help us overcome guilt and regrets. We should accept what we are feeling, focus on living in the moment, and admit to ourselves and to others what we did, finding every way we can to make things better.
Making amends by choosing to make better life choices going forward, forgiving ourselves, and imagining what our loved one would advise us can aid in overcoming these guilty feelings. Working through these feelings is essential to move towards acceptance and healing from the loss. Talking it out with others, especially a good counselor, can help us reflect on these emotions and come to terms with them.
Coping with Unexpected Loss
Coping with unexpected loss can be a difficult and lonely process, but it’s important to recognize that there are things beyond our control. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions during this time, including anger and confusion, and to feel like we can’t handle them at times. One of the best things we can do is seek help and support from family and friends who care about us. It’s important to acknowledge our pain and take on tasks that can help us feel a sense of control in a difficult situation. With time, support, and self-care, we can eventually find a new sense of peace and healing.
End-of-Life Planning
End-of-life planning can be a difficult topic to broach, but it is a necessary process that we must consider. It involves making important decisions about medical care, documenting our final wishes, and getting our affairs in order for when we pass away.
Rather than just focusing on wills and funerals, end-of-life planning allows us to have more control over how we spend our final days and how we will be remembered. It’s important to discuss our plans with our loved ones and to let a trusted family member or friend know where all our relevant documents are located. While it may be difficult to think about, end-of-life planning can provide peace of mind and comfort for both us and our loved ones.
Seeking the services of an end-of-life doula is also an option not everyone is aware of. An end-of-life doula is a compassionate and knowledgeable professional who offers emotional, physical, and spiritual support to those who are nearing the end of their life. They empower individuals and their loved ones to make informed decisions about their dying journey and provide guidance on how to navigate this difficult and life-changing experience.
Unlike medical workers, end-of-life doulas don’t provide medical care; rather, they offer comfort, companionship, and encouragement to those who need it most. With training and expertise, they can help ease fears and anxieties associated with death and guide individuals toward a peaceful and dignified end-of-life experience.
The best way to confront our fear of death is to seek solace in knowing that we lived well. If we have done everything in our power to make a positive impact on this planet, it increases the chance that we will pass away in peace. When we know that we have contributed to the world and made a difference, we can become more comfortable with the idea of death. Focus on the good that has been accomplished and embrace a positive outlook, rather than dwelling on negative fears; by doing so, we can approach the end of our life with a sense of fulfillment and contentment.
Coping with the Holidays after a Loss
It is normal to feel intense pain and sadness during this time, especially when surrounded by the celebration of others; however, there are ways to find peace and acceptance. One tool for coping is to only do what feels right and skip or minimize gifts if they feel overwhelming. It can also be helpful to continue with usual traditions as a way to honor the memory of the loved one.
The Philippines (where I grew up) is a country steeped in tradition, and one of its unique customs is the “atang” (food offering) ceremony for the dead. This indigenous ritual is commonly practiced in the Northern Philippines, particularly among the Ilocanos. The offering typically includes food, drinks, fruits, and other items desired by the deceased. The atang is a way for the living to show respect and love for their deceased relatives and to remind them of the importance of community, tradition, and life after death.
Leaving an empty chair at the table for a deceased loved one is a practice that has been around for centuries as a way of honoring their memory and acknowledging their absence. Families from different cultures around the world have adopted this tradition as a way of keeping the spirit of their loved ones alive. Whether it’s during a regular family dinner or a special occasion, the empty chair serves as a reminder of the person who is no longer with them. Despite its solemnity, the tradition is done with respect and love. Those who practice this are not only keeping loved ones’ memories alive but also are comforted by the thought that their presence is still felt, even in their absence.
Taking time away from others to acknowledge the pain and find peace through meditation can also be beneficial. Above all, it is important to remember that grief is a unique experience and there is no one right way to cope. Those who offer support should aim to listen more than give advice and accept happiness when it comes.
Beyond Acceptance
It is a common belief that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and this applies to all endings or losses that we experience here on Earth. Although death may seem like an end, many believe that it is actually the beginning of a new journey. This comforting thought is often used to console those who are grieving and help them find solace in the fact that their loved one is not truly gone. By acknowledging our spiritual essence and that the body and spirit separate after death, we can find comfort in the idea that our loved ones continue to exist in some form.
It is important, however, to respect cultural customs and rituals associated with death, and to acknowledge that everyone grieves differently. Having open and honest conversations with loved ones about the grieving process and loss can help provide comfort and support during difficult times. Ultimately, recognizing our spiritual connection to the deceased can offer solace and peace in the face of loss.
Die and Be Reborn Daily
This idea doesn’t mean physical death, but a spiritual one. It means putting aside the old self and living in the newness of finding our Higher Self, an ongoing spiritual transformation that we open ourselves up to.
There are times when we sabotage our own future by holding onto past experiences and unresolved issues. This behavior can become familiar and comfortable, but it ultimately hinders personal growth and progress. Trust issues, poor relationship skills, and negative thoughts are often at the root of this self-sabotage. By recognizing and processing these issues, we can break free from these patterns and build a more positive future.
It’s important to investigate our attachment styles and understand how past experiences may be impacting current relationships. By taking control of our internal world, it is possible to create a brighter and more fulfilling future. It may take time and effort, but the reward of living free from self-sabotage is well worth the investment.
Conclusion
Remember that endings are a natural part of life, and they give us the opportunity to reflect, learn, and grow. So next time we reach the end of something, embrace it as a form of death and look forward to what new beginnings it might bring—process it to completion as a form of goodbye.
Thank you for joining me on this difficult but important topic. Losing a loved one is never easy, but accepting death and dying can help us find peace and closure. Remember to take care of yourself during difficult times and know that you are not alone. If you or someone you know needs support, reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional. As always, we’re grateful for your continued support and I hope this article has provided some comfort.
